First of 2009

Nothing like waiting until the 3rd month of a new year before you write your first blog entry, huh? So I am wondering how to even begin - I think I am going to start blogging like a journal because there are a bunch of things going on that I don't necessarily want to "talk" about so maybe I will just write about them instead. I think I need some sort of outlet so I don't lose my mind......

First of all, the worst thing.....I am almost certain that my mom is suffering from some form of dementia; I pray it is not Alzheimer's. There are so many feelings that come from making a statement like that and believe me, I have been in denial for the past 6 - 8 months but it has become undeniable. Does anyone out there know of anyone who suffers from this very frightening and sad illness? I noticed some memory problems last summer and asked my father about it several times but he told me to quit asking him because I was making him paranoid. Hmmmm.....I guess I know where I developed my denial habits, huh? My dad did, however, talk to the doctor and the doctor administered some sort of screening tests that my mom passed with flying colors. That is what gives me hope that it isn't Alzheimer's. She is also not defensive or angry like I have read about Alzheimer's patients. She doesn't insist that nothing is wrong and she voluntarily stopped driving. Part of me feels guilty because if you have read my blog at all, then you know that I am absolutely totally and completely in love with my grandson, who is 19 months old. I feel like if I hadn't devoted all my spare time to my grandson I would have picked up on my mom a little quicker. About 3 weeks ago, it hit me like a ton of bricks when I actually spent some time at her house instead of running in and out and I noticed notes in my dad's handwriting everywhere telling her how to turn the oven on, and how to use the remote, etc. To say I was shocked is a complete understatement. So I have stopped crying - at least for now - and am trying to come up with a plan of action without scaring my mom to death. All my life she has been terrified of dementia - even going so far as to tell me that if she ever developed dementia to just put her in a home because she didn't want anyone to see her like that. So I have to figure out a way to get her to sign whatever document gives her doctor permission to talk to me about her and start from there. Wish me luck.........

In addition to that, my youngest stepson, who lived with us has decided that he can't live here under our rules. You know, the horribly strict ones that require him to be able to pass a drug test in order to keep his car or that he must get a job since he is 19 years old, and also that he needed to quit stealing money out of my purse. He didn't come to live with us until he was of legal age (14 to be exact) but he did spend alot of time with us before that so I am trying to figure out where in the world we went wrong. So he has gone to live with his girlfriend who has an apartment with her friend and he has no job - wonder how long she will put up with that?

I think that is all I have the energy to write right now.....I watch my grandson two days one week and 3 the next but this week has been all week because his other grandmother (my daughter's mother-in-law) that alternates watching him with me is helping her mother this week because she just underwent a double mastectomy. Tucker (my grandson) is a wonderful distraction for everything bad but I am really tired!

If you stopped by then please leave a comment, I would love to know who (if anyone) is reading!!!

Til next time.......

Ok, so tomorrow is THE day!

So tomorrow will be day one of my 767th diet. But, this is really the one. I am just trying to find that switch in your brain called motivation and will power. There really is something in the brain that has to happen for any diet to be successful. I have found it a few times very successfully and then all of a sudden the switch got buried underneath something else and I found myself on the upward climb of gaining the weight back. One teensy, tiny cheat usually begins a spiral into the black hole back into fatness. You think, "well I already cheated today so I will just cheat a little more", or "well I cheated the other day and I didn't gain any weight so I will just do it a little again today" and then the claws of food addiction wrap their hands around your every fiber of being and it totally undoes all the hard work you went through just to end up even heavier when you start the next diet.

I was going to have gastric bypass once in 2003 and was a week away from surgery when my EKG didn't look normal and my stress test wasn't positive but it wasn't negative so I had to have the ole' cardiac cath and voila! - my main artery was 85% blocked and I had to have angioplasty and a stent. Scared me right into eating right for quite a while actually but here I am again, back at the starting point.

Which brings me to my next point. I think when I am skinny and don't mind being in public I shall write a book of what NOT to say to fat people or people who are losing weight. My 2 all time statements that I hate are 1) But you have such a beautiful face (when someone is heavy and their friends are trying to talk them into dieting and 2)I can REALLY tell in your face (when someone as lost 60 pounds and run into someone they haven't seen for a while and this person thinks they are paying you a compliment). People - when you lose 60 pounds you sure as he!! didn't lose it all in your face. Once I went down 4 jean sizes for people to say - I can really tell in your face. I cringe even thinking about it. I remember one of my children's friends saying (quite innocently I might add) - "Gosh Q, you are really pretty. I never noticed it before". I knew she was totally oblivious to how it sounded and I was totally trying to process her awe and wonder of my face - wondering, gee maybe I did lose it all in my face!

Anyway, wish me luck as I venture out once again on this weight loss journey. I really need to do it for my health, but I also want to do it so I won't be so uncomfortable out in public, hoping I won't run into people because I don't want anyone to see me. But the most important reason I want to lose weight is so I can play more comfortably with my grandson as he becomes more mobile. He is 6 months old now and it won't be long.................I you know my life's goal is to be is favorite Grammy!!!!

I will keep you posted on my progress. Any good ideas or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated!!!!!

Til next time,
Q

So.........whats next?

I am not sure how this blog thing goes - do I just write what is going on in my life every few days or discuss things I've learned during my 47 years on earth or what? If you want to know what is going in my life then I will tell you the latest. Last week, Monday to be exact, I woke up with an abscessed tooth which I had never had before. I went to the dentist and the abscessed tooth was one that had had a root canal and a cap. Hmmmm.....I thought that is why I had a root canal and cap to start with but evidently I had cracked the root, it was abscessed and it had to come out. So, the dentist started me on an antibiotic and set up my appointment with an oral surgeon for removal of the bad tooth. Well...........the infection penetrated my sinus cavity and I have to say, that is the sickest I have been in a long time. So yesterday, I go to have my tooth extracted and the receptionist totally scared me to death. I went in there just in a hurry (as always) to get my tooth taken out and by the time they were numbing my tooth I was fighting back the feeling to get up and flee. You know the "fight or flight syndrome"? Well, flight was overcoming me in full force. I pushed through it (a major victory for me) cause I knew I would be coming home to this.............

Isn't he precious? Being a Grandmother is so much different than being a Mother. It is hard to describe but it is so much less stress. I don't know why I just know it is. And this is my week to watch him so it was hard to even keep the appointment but I sure didn't want the infection to return so now I am glad it is over with.

That's my story and I'm stickin to it.........

Til next time,

Q

The Beginning........................

Well, this will be my first post in my new blog. How exciting - a new year and a new blog. I have decided to start my own blog basically as a way to journal. I haven't ever journaled before, but people keep telling me that it is "life-changing" so we shall see! I doubt if anyone ever even sees this blog but if you happen to come across it, leave me a message so I know you were here! I am a 47 year old married mother of 5 - I have 2 daughters - age 27 and 22 (the 27 year old is married and gave me the most wonderful gift - a grandson!!!) and 3 stepsons - age 23, 20 and 18. So basically my husband and I are entering a new chapter in our life - when our 18 year old graduates in May and starts college in the fall, we will basically be able to do whatever we want, whenever we want. Like I said, my 27 year old is married with one child, my 22 year old has her own apartment, my two oldest stepsons live in Georgia which just leaves my 18 year old at home. I have the absolute joy of babysitting my 5 month old grandson, Tucker, every other week while his parents work. His other Grandmother babysits the other weeks.

Up until a few years ago, I worked full time as an Office Manager for an Industrial Radiography and Heat Treatment company. I started out as a receptionist in 1979 and worked my way up to Office Manager by 1985 and held that position until March of 2004. At that time I had a couple of health issues and decided to "retire" and take better care of myself. Since then, I have become involved with a wonderful home based business that is dedicated to complete anti-aging from the outside in and the inside out. We have a galvanic hand held device that makes you look 10 years younger in 10 minutes - and it is not just hype! This company is changing people's lives - they are publicly traded under the symbol NUS and have a 5A1 Dun & Bradstreet rating. Anyone who knows anything about business knows what that means!!! They also have a new weight loss product and when I reach my goal weight I will post before and after pictures!!!

My husband and I are in the process of looking for a church that we feel comfortable with. Not just somewhere to "see and be seen" on Sunday's but a Church that actually teaches what the Bible says. We have learned to trust God through thick and thin and one of the things we have learned is that God is seldom early but never late. We have seen miraculous things happen when we just trust.

So.......that is enough about me for now. Tell me about you if you stop by here! Also, tell me who you would like to see as the new President and why. Until then - stay safe and be happy!

xoxo
Q