And so it begins......

Hello everyone,

I am having one of those days where you realize how old you are and then you wonder "Is this it?, Is this all there is?" It is time to start planning our 30 year high school reunion. 3o years. That is a really. long. time. We had our first meeting last week and sorted out who would find who and how, where we should have it, when, etc. etc. I remember for our 10th class reunion we fundraised for over a year and planned it down to the tiniest detail. We burned ourselves out so badly that for the 20th reunion, none of the original crew would have anything to do with planning it. I remember I only went to the Friday night festivities because our family was leaving for the beach the next morning bright and early. Of course, that is when all my kids lived at home and the stepkids who hadn't moved in with us yet were with us for the summer. I couldn't have cared less about my 20th class reunion. That was the busiest time of my life. My oldest child had just graduated (which means she is planning her 10 year reunion) and the rest were 14, 12, 11, and 10. We were busy. Busy beyond belief. Funny thing, I can hardly remember that period of my life...........

Anyway, back to the subject - my 30th reunion. When I was younger, I used to think my 30th reunion would be so much different than it is going to be. Is it because all of us are in denial about our age? I thought that my husband would be bald (at least on top) and gray, and I would be in the phase of going to the beauty shop once a week to "get my hair done". When we graduated, it seemed like the 30 year reunion was a lifetime away - and yet - here it is.

I wonder if I am at the beginning of a mid-life crisis? I can't believe this is all there is. With the exception of babysitting my beautiful grandson my life is totally boring. I used to work 8-5, run home and fix dinner and then we always had some sort of ballgame to go to - either for cheerleading or for the boys who were playing. On the weekends my girls used to cheer for a competitive cheerleading squad and we were at they gym all weekend for practicing. You know the competitions you see on ESPN? That is they type of cheerleading I am talking about. The kind that actually is a sport. My daughter was interviewed on ESPN once - that was pretty cool! She also won 2 National Championships before she graduated so that was REALLY cool! Back then, I couldn't wait until the last game was over and the last check had been written because after 5 children, I WAS TIRED. But now I am bored. Again I ask - is that all there is? To be bone tired or bored silly? Where is the in-between? And please don't tell me to take up a hobby because I am so not artistic enough to do any sort of crafts. All I know is accounting and raising children.

So I am making up the questionairre that will go out to everyone and when I think of my answers, I am blank. What do I do now? Nothing. What does your spouse do? Oh, well he is very successful but he is out of town. every. week. without. exception. I could go with him but the 18 year old (boy) that still lives at home would have a blow-out party - there is no doubt in my mind about that - and I couldnt go with him every other week because I babysit my grandson those weeks and I wouldn't give that up for a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g - he is the only thing that I look forward to. And where it says to list my accomplishments - well, my whole life has centered around my kids so I really didn't accomplish anything except to raise a bunch of kids and be totally involved in everything they do. I did that because I knew what it felt like not to have anyone at my "stuff" to watch me and I never wanted them to feel that way. My mom and dad are great but they just didn't get too involved with my older brother and me because my younger brother and sister were much younger and they were busy with them. I guess I kind of understand that but I also don't understand at the same time - but that is for another post! What will my answers on my questionairre be? And at the same time, who cares? Maybe I won't even go, maybe we will plan our vacation for the same time and I will tragically be out of town. My 2 best friends in the whole world from high school are still my best friends now and I get to see and talk to them anytime I want - which is great. I am very thankful for my true friends because I realize they are hard to come by.

I guess the problem isn't really my class reunion - I guess it is because I am going through a phase where I am really wondering if this is all there is. I know the alternative is death and I certainly don't want to die but if every day from now til I am 90 years old is going to be the same then.........ugh. Any suggestions out there?

xoxo
Q