The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!!

Christmas used to be my most favorite time of the year. My favorite day of the year was Thanksgiving because it kicked off the Christmas season for me. My goal each year was to have my shopping finished and all the presents wrapped by Thanksgiving so that I could just totally enjoy the Christmas season. I loved the building anticipation each day brought as we inched closer and closer to Christmas. Then my kids got older and I somehow lost my rhythm. For the past few Christmases, everything has been done in a last minute rush and my favorite day of the year has become Daylight Savings Time day - when we get our hour back. This year, a little of the excitement has returned as my grandson, Tucker is 16 months old and I can just see the wonderment in his eyes. I can just see the wheels turning as he processes all these new sights and sounds. That baby just takes my breath away! I cherish every second I get to spend with him and he truly makes my life better! I think this Christmas will be the most fun I have had in a while! Merry Christmas to all of you and Happy New Year! What are some of your resolutions this year?

Don't pass out..........

Finally, a new entry! It has been a busy, crazy place around here! We just moved into our dream home and I do believe we will never move again. We are in love with it! My grandson, Tucker will be one year old on July 31st and last weekend was my 30 year class reunion. I was on the reunion committee so towards the end, it was all consuming!! It was a great reunion and so many people I never dreamed would come, came and the people who usually make everyone uncomfortable with their catty remarks, etc didn't come! It was like the perfect reunion. My brother and sister-in-law (who are missionaries in the Ukraine) were even here - my sister-in-law is also a classmate of mine. They have been in the states for a few weeks for some major family additions - one daughter was married on top of a mountain in Switzerland in June, her oldest son is getting married this Saturday in Louisville, and her oldest daughter is having a c-section on August 11th in Arkansas! Then, on the 18th they will head back to Kiev and I can't hardly think about it. They have been all over the country in the weeks that they have been here but their stops here in West Virginia have been such great times!

I will update more very soon, I promise - I just wanted everyone to know that I am still alive and kickin'! Also, the people I wrote about in the last entry are doing well. My lung transplant blogger friend is home but battling a type of lung cancer that can occur in transplant patients so please keep her in your prayers and my blogger friend that was going to have a baby that they had been told couldn't survive outside of the womb got to spend 3 and a half hours with her baby for which they were incredibly grateful. They are doing ok, but would covet your prayers.

I promise more soon! Especially pictures of my grandson, who takes my breath away.....

xoxo
Q

People That Need Our Help...

Hey Everyone - Happy Friday!

There are a couple of blogs I would like anyone who looks at my blog to visit and leave an encouraging comment if you can after reading their stories.

The first is a woman's blog - a broken hearted woman who is pregnant with her fourth child. This child will be born this Monday, April 7th at 4:00 and will almost certainly not survive outside of her womb. The baby's name is Audrey Caroline and she has multiple problems and no amniotic fluid. This lady's blog is so charming as she describes her wonderful life and the every day happenings with her 5 year old twins and her 2 year old. Mixed in all the charm and sweetness, is what else is going on in her and her husband's life. Please stop by http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com and leave her an encouraging comment if you could. I know she could sure use it and would certainly appreciate it.

The second blog is the husband of a CF patient (cystic fibrosis). I have also followed this blog for several months and this family has been through the process of being listed for a double lung transplant, to an unexpected pregnancy, to the birth of their precious daughter at 25 weeks, to a double lung transplant on April 2nd. Please visit http://cfhusband.blogspot.com and leave them some well wishes and read their story as well.

Blogs like the 2 mentioned above make me very thankful for my life and make me see how trivial and selfish I can be at times. Both of these families have powerful testimonies and live by what they believe with every fiber of their being. Truly inspiring.

Have a great weekend!
Q

Tucker - 7 Months

Wow - how time flies. Here is the latest picture of Tucker, he is just too cute not to post!!!

Well, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page to see his gorgeous picture until I figure out how to get it in this post. Anyone out there know what I did wrong??? :)

The Story of Me

I think I am going to use my blog as a journal so I can figure out who I am at this point in my life. I think I might be having a mid-life crisis but not if it means I need a new red sports car and an affair. I don't think I need either one of those, thank you very much. I am just lost. I don't know any other way to say it. And when I try to explain it to my husband or close friends, I am blank. I was in therapy for a long time and I remember once the therapist asked me if I had all the money in the world, a happy, settled family and could do anything I wanted, what would it be? I couldn't think of one thing. I am not exaggerating - nothing. I have devoted my life to other people (raising children, friends in need) and I have always been a fixer. If something is wrong somewhere then I am going to fix it. We went through some family things that were not fixable which landed me in 3 years of therapy. Evidently I need to go back, huh?

I probably should make my blog more anonymous, maybe I will need to start all over to do that. I am in a very weird place right now and the only thing that makes me happy is my beautiful grandbaby. I get to watch him every other week while his parents work and it is the only time I feel alive. Thank God for my precious grandchild!

We will start with the basics: My parents were born in London and Scotland, respectively, my oldest brother and I were born in Canada, my younger brother and sister were born in Pennsylvania so how the hell did we end up in a tiny little town in West Virginia? I am married (for the second time) to a wonderful guy, I have two daughters (27 & 22) and three stepsons (23, 20, 18). My house was the "hang out" house while my children were growing up, which was fine with me because then I knew where they were, who they were with and what they were doing. 2 of my stepsons came to live with us as soon as they were old enough to and the youngest is the last child at home. He is a senior in High School and he will be the death of me. He is cute as a button, charming as hell, and in trouble all the time. I am very intuitive so I figure things out quickly. He, on the other hand, thinks I have spies planted everywhere to spy on him and tell on him. I can't tell him what he is doing to get caught at everything or else he will know not to do those things anymore. My girls told him long ago that I knew everything. They didn't know how or who told me but I would know gossip from their school before they did. They think I have ESP. They told him not to test it, but.....................he didn't believe them. So needless to say I am way ahead in this game. My husband works out of town most of the time which makes it hard for me because I don't want to be the evil "step-monster". But I think we have a good relationship and so I just tell him how it is and then I listen to his side (and then tell him why his side is wrong :)

I worked outside the home before I graduated from High School and worked up until 4 years ago. The company I worked for was closing their office that was located in my area and they were going to let me work out of my house until they reopened about 6 months later. They were going to let the other office girls go. So my husband and I talked about it and I decided that I would let one of the girls who was a single mother and struggling have the "work from home" position and I would quit. This was when my youngest daughter was a senior is High School and my youngest stepson didn't live with us yet. My oldest stepson did live with us but he was a year and a half older than my daughter and in college already. So the plan was after my daughter graduated and entered college that I would travel with my husband on some of his business trips. I have never been one to leave my kids - when they were young I couldn't bear to leave them for the weekend because I hadn't seen them as much as I would have liked while working all week - and when they got older, I wouldn't leave them because I knew there would be parties at my house! I always told my kids, "I was born at night, but not last night" when they tried to get stuff over on me! Anyway, now that they were a little older, I figured if I traveled a little with my husband, they may have some company but not wild parties. I didn't get to test that theory out, though, as that same summer my youngest stepson came to live with us.

OK, this is a good place to take a break and let everything I just told you soak in. Just wanted to give you a glimpse into our family dynamic. I will pick it up from here the next time I post.

Til next time,
Q

Interesting Stuff....

I can't credit whoever wrote this and I would if I could, but I am going to post it anyway. I would like to live my life like this:

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Words to live by......
Q

And so it begins......

Hello everyone,

I am having one of those days where you realize how old you are and then you wonder "Is this it?, Is this all there is?" It is time to start planning our 30 year high school reunion. 3o years. That is a really. long. time. We had our first meeting last week and sorted out who would find who and how, where we should have it, when, etc. etc. I remember for our 10th class reunion we fundraised for over a year and planned it down to the tiniest detail. We burned ourselves out so badly that for the 20th reunion, none of the original crew would have anything to do with planning it. I remember I only went to the Friday night festivities because our family was leaving for the beach the next morning bright and early. Of course, that is when all my kids lived at home and the stepkids who hadn't moved in with us yet were with us for the summer. I couldn't have cared less about my 20th class reunion. That was the busiest time of my life. My oldest child had just graduated (which means she is planning her 10 year reunion) and the rest were 14, 12, 11, and 10. We were busy. Busy beyond belief. Funny thing, I can hardly remember that period of my life...........

Anyway, back to the subject - my 30th reunion. When I was younger, I used to think my 30th reunion would be so much different than it is going to be. Is it because all of us are in denial about our age? I thought that my husband would be bald (at least on top) and gray, and I would be in the phase of going to the beauty shop once a week to "get my hair done". When we graduated, it seemed like the 30 year reunion was a lifetime away - and yet - here it is.

I wonder if I am at the beginning of a mid-life crisis? I can't believe this is all there is. With the exception of babysitting my beautiful grandson my life is totally boring. I used to work 8-5, run home and fix dinner and then we always had some sort of ballgame to go to - either for cheerleading or for the boys who were playing. On the weekends my girls used to cheer for a competitive cheerleading squad and we were at they gym all weekend for practicing. You know the competitions you see on ESPN? That is they type of cheerleading I am talking about. The kind that actually is a sport. My daughter was interviewed on ESPN once - that was pretty cool! She also won 2 National Championships before she graduated so that was REALLY cool! Back then, I couldn't wait until the last game was over and the last check had been written because after 5 children, I WAS TIRED. But now I am bored. Again I ask - is that all there is? To be bone tired or bored silly? Where is the in-between? And please don't tell me to take up a hobby because I am so not artistic enough to do any sort of crafts. All I know is accounting and raising children.

So I am making up the questionairre that will go out to everyone and when I think of my answers, I am blank. What do I do now? Nothing. What does your spouse do? Oh, well he is very successful but he is out of town. every. week. without. exception. I could go with him but the 18 year old (boy) that still lives at home would have a blow-out party - there is no doubt in my mind about that - and I couldnt go with him every other week because I babysit my grandson those weeks and I wouldn't give that up for a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g - he is the only thing that I look forward to. And where it says to list my accomplishments - well, my whole life has centered around my kids so I really didn't accomplish anything except to raise a bunch of kids and be totally involved in everything they do. I did that because I knew what it felt like not to have anyone at my "stuff" to watch me and I never wanted them to feel that way. My mom and dad are great but they just didn't get too involved with my older brother and me because my younger brother and sister were much younger and they were busy with them. I guess I kind of understand that but I also don't understand at the same time - but that is for another post! What will my answers on my questionairre be? And at the same time, who cares? Maybe I won't even go, maybe we will plan our vacation for the same time and I will tragically be out of town. My 2 best friends in the whole world from high school are still my best friends now and I get to see and talk to them anytime I want - which is great. I am very thankful for my true friends because I realize they are hard to come by.

I guess the problem isn't really my class reunion - I guess it is because I am going through a phase where I am really wondering if this is all there is. I know the alternative is death and I certainly don't want to die but if every day from now til I am 90 years old is going to be the same then.........ugh. Any suggestions out there?

xoxo
Q

Great News and Wait News........

Hey everyone!

Nikki just called from the surgeon's office and we have GREAT news and more "we have to wait" news. The tissue the surgeon took out last week was totally benign - Praise the Lord!!! but he would like to recheck her in 6 weeks to be sure. He doesnt like the shadow on the ultrasound and wants to make sure the samples he took last week were in the exact right spot. If there is any change in that shadow in 6 weeks, he will take the whole mass out - if there is no change then he will feel comfortable that she is fine.

He said if he had any reason to think she had cancer, he wouldn't wait the 6 weeks but he is being very thorough because he doesn't like the shadow.

So..............there you have it - I think that God is teaching me to trust him and only him and to stay sane, that is exactly what I will have to do. Thank you guys so much for your thoughts and prayers, please keep saying your prayers for us!!!!

Happy Monday,

Q

PS....While trying to trust and rely on God, I am fighting the urge to develop my sudden onset Tourette's Syndrome - the uncontrollable cussing kind because I DON'T LIKE TO WAIT!!!! Sometimes when I am completely stressed, my sudden onset Tourette's Syndrome reels its ugly head. I am in no way poking fun at anyone that truly suffers from that condition so I hope no one is offended, but sometimes I just can't help it!

Great Preliminary News

Hi Everyone,

Thank You to all of you who have been praying for my daughter, Nikki. The biopsies went well, the doctor took 2 tissue samples and told Nikki he felt that they were fibrocycstic tissue but they won't know for sure until the pathology report comes back. She will see the doctor next Monday so please keep praying that his original observation is what it turns out to be. I can't thank all of you enough for praying for her.

xoxo
Q

A Special Request

Hi,
To all you bloggers out in blog land that happen to come across this post, please pray for my daughter. She is my first born, she is 27, has a husband and a 6 month old baby boy (whom I adore). She found a "thickening" in her breast last week and I told her to go to her gynecologist and have it checked out - fully expecting the doctor to tell her it was something completely normal after breast feeding but she thought it needed further investigation so she sent my daughter for an ultrasound and a mammogram. She went today and after the ultrasound, mammogram and then several spot compressions, they have decided that they need to do a biopsy. So I would ask all of you to please pray for her - her biopsy is this Monday, February 11th. I really think that it could be something hormonal since she went through a very stressful pregnancy with a very rare condition called vasa previa as well as complete placenta previa. She started bleeding 6 weeks before the baby was due and stayed in the hospital until they did a C-section and she lost 1700 cc's of blood instantly. The baby was 5 weeks early and spent nearly a week in the Neonatal ICU. Very, very stressful times.

When you say your prayers, please send up an extra prayer for my precious daughter.

Thanks,
Q

This is only a test.........

Hey guys!
I am activiating my buzzfuse account and so I have to post this entry to activate. Nothing new to report, just activating an account. Come back and see me soon, though!

Til next time,
Q

Well.....

Ok, so the reason I haven't kept you "up to date" on how the diet is working is because there hasn't been a diet to blog about. I never got started. So my earnest blog entry turned into a big lie. I am sorry - I had good intentions, I really did.

Now I have decided I am going to look into having the Lap Band surgery. For some reason, I just don't think I can do it on my own. Anyone out there that has any knowledge or experience with this type of weight loss surgery, please email me at sym38@aol.com

Good or bad information, I would like to know everything I can find out about it. Thanks a bunch!!!

Til next time,
Q

Ok, so tomorrow is THE day!

So tomorrow will be day one of my 767th diet. But, this is really the one. I am just trying to find that switch in your brain called motivation and will power. There really is something in the brain that has to happen for any diet to be successful. I have found it a few times very successfully and then all of a sudden the switch got buried underneath something else and I found myself on the upward climb of gaining the weight back. One teensy, tiny cheat usually begins a spiral into the black hole back into fatness. You think, "well I already cheated today so I will just cheat a little more", or "well I cheated the other day and I didn't gain any weight so I will just do it a little again today" and then the claws of food addiction wrap their hands around your every fiber of being and it totally undoes all the hard work you went through just to end up even heavier when you start the next diet.

I was going to have gastric bypass once in 2003 and was a week away from surgery when my EKG didn't look normal and my stress test wasn't positive but it wasn't negative so I had to have the ole' cardiac cath and voila! - my main artery was 85% blocked and I had to have angioplasty and a stent. Scared me right into eating right for quite a while actually but here I am again, back at the starting point.

Which brings me to my next point. I think when I am skinny and don't mind being in public I shall write a book of what NOT to say to fat people or people who are losing weight. My 2 all time statements that I hate are 1) But you have such a beautiful face (when someone is heavy and their friends are trying to talk them into dieting and 2)I can REALLY tell in your face (when someone as lost 60 pounds and run into someone they haven't seen for a while and this person thinks they are paying you a compliment). People - when you lose 60 pounds you sure as he!! didn't lose it all in your face. Once I went down 4 jean sizes for people to say - I can really tell in your face. I cringe even thinking about it. I remember one of my children's friends saying (quite innocently I might add) - "Gosh Q, you are really pretty. I never noticed it before". I knew she was totally oblivious to how it sounded and I was totally trying to process her awe and wonder of my face - wondering, gee maybe I did lose it all in my face!

Anyway, wish me luck as I venture out once again on this weight loss journey. I really need to do it for my health, but I also want to do it so I won't be so uncomfortable out in public, hoping I won't run into people because I don't want anyone to see me. But the most important reason I want to lose weight is so I can play more comfortably with my grandson as he becomes more mobile. He is 6 months old now and it won't be long.................I you know my life's goal is to be is favorite Grammy!!!!

I will keep you posted on my progress. Any good ideas or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated!!!!!

Til next time,
Q

I am sad :(

I was in shock Tuesday when across my television screen came the news.....Heath Ledger found dead in NY apartment...it has taken me this many days to fully grasp the fact that he is really gone. I feel so sorry for his daughter, Matilda, who is only 2 years old. She will wonder where he is for a while, and eventually she will forget about him. That is what I find so sad. He always appeared to be such a doting father who adored his daughter. How will she ever remember him?

The saddest part about it is that there is no doubt in my mind that he didn't mean to overdose. I know from my own battles with anxiety and depression coupled with insomnia, that there comes a point where you will do just about anything to sleep. Looking at the clock and thinking about how tired you are going to be and tossing and turning and looking at the clock some more and becoming more anxious by the minute - I can see how he might get impatient and take more sleeping pills to see if they would work. Of course, that is my own opinion of what happened and maybe I am naive and he was this hard core party person that was never in the headlines - but I doubt it. He was in my magazines plenty of times with his daughter on his shoulders. Hard core partying would be such a bigger headline so if he did that - the world would have known.

This morning when I turned on the TV "10 Things I Hate About You" was on (Heath Ledger's first American film) and I found tears rolling down my cheeks. It is just so sad.

Til next time,
Q

So.........whats next?

I am not sure how this blog thing goes - do I just write what is going on in my life every few days or discuss things I've learned during my 47 years on earth or what? If you want to know what is going in my life then I will tell you the latest. Last week, Monday to be exact, I woke up with an abscessed tooth which I had never had before. I went to the dentist and the abscessed tooth was one that had had a root canal and a cap. Hmmmm.....I thought that is why I had a root canal and cap to start with but evidently I had cracked the root, it was abscessed and it had to come out. So, the dentist started me on an antibiotic and set up my appointment with an oral surgeon for removal of the bad tooth. Well...........the infection penetrated my sinus cavity and I have to say, that is the sickest I have been in a long time. So yesterday, I go to have my tooth extracted and the receptionist totally scared me to death. I went in there just in a hurry (as always) to get my tooth taken out and by the time they were numbing my tooth I was fighting back the feeling to get up and flee. You know the "fight or flight syndrome"? Well, flight was overcoming me in full force. I pushed through it (a major victory for me) cause I knew I would be coming home to this.............

Isn't he precious? Being a Grandmother is so much different than being a Mother. It is hard to describe but it is so much less stress. I don't know why I just know it is. And this is my week to watch him so it was hard to even keep the appointment but I sure didn't want the infection to return so now I am glad it is over with.

That's my story and I'm stickin to it.........

Til next time,

Q

Great Places to Go!

When you feel like everything in your life is falling apart, click on one of my favorite links and read all about these wonderful people who continually inspire me on a daily basis. Ben's Story was the reason I even had heard of these "blogs" - he was a local child who developed brain cancer and his story, while heart wrenching, is truly inspiring. His parents took something so horrible and turned it into something so wonderful - it is a must read. His parents now are developing a cancer network for parents to get all the information and support they need upon their child's diagnosis. Please stop by and see what Tom & Jennifer are doing to reach out and help others. I came across the other blogs by accident but they are my favorite places to go. These precious people have all lost a child or are in the middle of fighting a serious battle and have turned their heartache into something to glorify God. When I am feeling sorry for myself for something trivial (which compared to these people, almost everything is trivial) I go to one of these sites and my perspective is jolted back to reality. There are some other blog sites I will add to my favorite links soon but these 5 deserve to stand alone - at least for a little while!

Happy Friday everyone!!!

xoxo
Q

The Beginning........................

Well, this will be my first post in my new blog. How exciting - a new year and a new blog. I have decided to start my own blog basically as a way to journal. I haven't ever journaled before, but people keep telling me that it is "life-changing" so we shall see! I doubt if anyone ever even sees this blog but if you happen to come across it, leave me a message so I know you were here! I am a 47 year old married mother of 5 - I have 2 daughters - age 27 and 22 (the 27 year old is married and gave me the most wonderful gift - a grandson!!!) and 3 stepsons - age 23, 20 and 18. So basically my husband and I are entering a new chapter in our life - when our 18 year old graduates in May and starts college in the fall, we will basically be able to do whatever we want, whenever we want. Like I said, my 27 year old is married with one child, my 22 year old has her own apartment, my two oldest stepsons live in Georgia which just leaves my 18 year old at home. I have the absolute joy of babysitting my 5 month old grandson, Tucker, every other week while his parents work. His other Grandmother babysits the other weeks.

Up until a few years ago, I worked full time as an Office Manager for an Industrial Radiography and Heat Treatment company. I started out as a receptionist in 1979 and worked my way up to Office Manager by 1985 and held that position until March of 2004. At that time I had a couple of health issues and decided to "retire" and take better care of myself. Since then, I have become involved with a wonderful home based business that is dedicated to complete anti-aging from the outside in and the inside out. We have a galvanic hand held device that makes you look 10 years younger in 10 minutes - and it is not just hype! This company is changing people's lives - they are publicly traded under the symbol NUS and have a 5A1 Dun & Bradstreet rating. Anyone who knows anything about business knows what that means!!! They also have a new weight loss product and when I reach my goal weight I will post before and after pictures!!!

My husband and I are in the process of looking for a church that we feel comfortable with. Not just somewhere to "see and be seen" on Sunday's but a Church that actually teaches what the Bible says. We have learned to trust God through thick and thin and one of the things we have learned is that God is seldom early but never late. We have seen miraculous things happen when we just trust.

So.......that is enough about me for now. Tell me about you if you stop by here! Also, tell me who you would like to see as the new President and why. Until then - stay safe and be happy!

xoxo
Q