Ok, so tomorrow is THE day!

So tomorrow will be day one of my 767th diet. But, this is really the one. I am just trying to find that switch in your brain called motivation and will power. There really is something in the brain that has to happen for any diet to be successful. I have found it a few times very successfully and then all of a sudden the switch got buried underneath something else and I found myself on the upward climb of gaining the weight back. One teensy, tiny cheat usually begins a spiral into the black hole back into fatness. You think, "well I already cheated today so I will just cheat a little more", or "well I cheated the other day and I didn't gain any weight so I will just do it a little again today" and then the claws of food addiction wrap their hands around your every fiber of being and it totally undoes all the hard work you went through just to end up even heavier when you start the next diet.

I was going to have gastric bypass once in 2003 and was a week away from surgery when my EKG didn't look normal and my stress test wasn't positive but it wasn't negative so I had to have the ole' cardiac cath and voila! - my main artery was 85% blocked and I had to have angioplasty and a stent. Scared me right into eating right for quite a while actually but here I am again, back at the starting point.

Which brings me to my next point. I think when I am skinny and don't mind being in public I shall write a book of what NOT to say to fat people or people who are losing weight. My 2 all time statements that I hate are 1) But you have such a beautiful face (when someone is heavy and their friends are trying to talk them into dieting and 2)I can REALLY tell in your face (when someone as lost 60 pounds and run into someone they haven't seen for a while and this person thinks they are paying you a compliment). People - when you lose 60 pounds you sure as he!! didn't lose it all in your face. Once I went down 4 jean sizes for people to say - I can really tell in your face. I cringe even thinking about it. I remember one of my children's friends saying (quite innocently I might add) - "Gosh Q, you are really pretty. I never noticed it before". I knew she was totally oblivious to how it sounded and I was totally trying to process her awe and wonder of my face - wondering, gee maybe I did lose it all in my face!

Anyway, wish me luck as I venture out once again on this weight loss journey. I really need to do it for my health, but I also want to do it so I won't be so uncomfortable out in public, hoping I won't run into people because I don't want anyone to see me. But the most important reason I want to lose weight is so I can play more comfortably with my grandson as he becomes more mobile. He is 6 months old now and it won't be long.................I you know my life's goal is to be is favorite Grammy!!!!

I will keep you posted on my progress. Any good ideas or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated!!!!!

Til next time,
Q

I am sad :(

I was in shock Tuesday when across my television screen came the news.....Heath Ledger found dead in NY apartment...it has taken me this many days to fully grasp the fact that he is really gone. I feel so sorry for his daughter, Matilda, who is only 2 years old. She will wonder where he is for a while, and eventually she will forget about him. That is what I find so sad. He always appeared to be such a doting father who adored his daughter. How will she ever remember him?

The saddest part about it is that there is no doubt in my mind that he didn't mean to overdose. I know from my own battles with anxiety and depression coupled with insomnia, that there comes a point where you will do just about anything to sleep. Looking at the clock and thinking about how tired you are going to be and tossing and turning and looking at the clock some more and becoming more anxious by the minute - I can see how he might get impatient and take more sleeping pills to see if they would work. Of course, that is my own opinion of what happened and maybe I am naive and he was this hard core party person that was never in the headlines - but I doubt it. He was in my magazines plenty of times with his daughter on his shoulders. Hard core partying would be such a bigger headline so if he did that - the world would have known.

This morning when I turned on the TV "10 Things I Hate About You" was on (Heath Ledger's first American film) and I found tears rolling down my cheeks. It is just so sad.

Til next time,
Q

So.........whats next?

I am not sure how this blog thing goes - do I just write what is going on in my life every few days or discuss things I've learned during my 47 years on earth or what? If you want to know what is going in my life then I will tell you the latest. Last week, Monday to be exact, I woke up with an abscessed tooth which I had never had before. I went to the dentist and the abscessed tooth was one that had had a root canal and a cap. Hmmmm.....I thought that is why I had a root canal and cap to start with but evidently I had cracked the root, it was abscessed and it had to come out. So, the dentist started me on an antibiotic and set up my appointment with an oral surgeon for removal of the bad tooth. Well...........the infection penetrated my sinus cavity and I have to say, that is the sickest I have been in a long time. So yesterday, I go to have my tooth extracted and the receptionist totally scared me to death. I went in there just in a hurry (as always) to get my tooth taken out and by the time they were numbing my tooth I was fighting back the feeling to get up and flee. You know the "fight or flight syndrome"? Well, flight was overcoming me in full force. I pushed through it (a major victory for me) cause I knew I would be coming home to this.............

Isn't he precious? Being a Grandmother is so much different than being a Mother. It is hard to describe but it is so much less stress. I don't know why I just know it is. And this is my week to watch him so it was hard to even keep the appointment but I sure didn't want the infection to return so now I am glad it is over with.

That's my story and I'm stickin to it.........

Til next time,

Q

Great Places to Go!

When you feel like everything in your life is falling apart, click on one of my favorite links and read all about these wonderful people who continually inspire me on a daily basis. Ben's Story was the reason I even had heard of these "blogs" - he was a local child who developed brain cancer and his story, while heart wrenching, is truly inspiring. His parents took something so horrible and turned it into something so wonderful - it is a must read. His parents now are developing a cancer network for parents to get all the information and support they need upon their child's diagnosis. Please stop by and see what Tom & Jennifer are doing to reach out and help others. I came across the other blogs by accident but they are my favorite places to go. These precious people have all lost a child or are in the middle of fighting a serious battle and have turned their heartache into something to glorify God. When I am feeling sorry for myself for something trivial (which compared to these people, almost everything is trivial) I go to one of these sites and my perspective is jolted back to reality. There are some other blog sites I will add to my favorite links soon but these 5 deserve to stand alone - at least for a little while!

Happy Friday everyone!!!

xoxo
Q

The Beginning........................

Well, this will be my first post in my new blog. How exciting - a new year and a new blog. I have decided to start my own blog basically as a way to journal. I haven't ever journaled before, but people keep telling me that it is "life-changing" so we shall see! I doubt if anyone ever even sees this blog but if you happen to come across it, leave me a message so I know you were here! I am a 47 year old married mother of 5 - I have 2 daughters - age 27 and 22 (the 27 year old is married and gave me the most wonderful gift - a grandson!!!) and 3 stepsons - age 23, 20 and 18. So basically my husband and I are entering a new chapter in our life - when our 18 year old graduates in May and starts college in the fall, we will basically be able to do whatever we want, whenever we want. Like I said, my 27 year old is married with one child, my 22 year old has her own apartment, my two oldest stepsons live in Georgia which just leaves my 18 year old at home. I have the absolute joy of babysitting my 5 month old grandson, Tucker, every other week while his parents work. His other Grandmother babysits the other weeks.

Up until a few years ago, I worked full time as an Office Manager for an Industrial Radiography and Heat Treatment company. I started out as a receptionist in 1979 and worked my way up to Office Manager by 1985 and held that position until March of 2004. At that time I had a couple of health issues and decided to "retire" and take better care of myself. Since then, I have become involved with a wonderful home based business that is dedicated to complete anti-aging from the outside in and the inside out. We have a galvanic hand held device that makes you look 10 years younger in 10 minutes - and it is not just hype! This company is changing people's lives - they are publicly traded under the symbol NUS and have a 5A1 Dun & Bradstreet rating. Anyone who knows anything about business knows what that means!!! They also have a new weight loss product and when I reach my goal weight I will post before and after pictures!!!

My husband and I are in the process of looking for a church that we feel comfortable with. Not just somewhere to "see and be seen" on Sunday's but a Church that actually teaches what the Bible says. We have learned to trust God through thick and thin and one of the things we have learned is that God is seldom early but never late. We have seen miraculous things happen when we just trust.

So.......that is enough about me for now. Tell me about you if you stop by here! Also, tell me who you would like to see as the new President and why. Until then - stay safe and be happy!

xoxo
Q