Ok, so tomorrow is THE day!

So tomorrow will be day one of my 767th diet. But, this is really the one. I am just trying to find that switch in your brain called motivation and will power. There really is something in the brain that has to happen for any diet to be successful. I have found it a few times very successfully and then all of a sudden the switch got buried underneath something else and I found myself on the upward climb of gaining the weight back. One teensy, tiny cheat usually begins a spiral into the black hole back into fatness. You think, "well I already cheated today so I will just cheat a little more", or "well I cheated the other day and I didn't gain any weight so I will just do it a little again today" and then the claws of food addiction wrap their hands around your every fiber of being and it totally undoes all the hard work you went through just to end up even heavier when you start the next diet.

I was going to have gastric bypass once in 2003 and was a week away from surgery when my EKG didn't look normal and my stress test wasn't positive but it wasn't negative so I had to have the ole' cardiac cath and voila! - my main artery was 85% blocked and I had to have angioplasty and a stent. Scared me right into eating right for quite a while actually but here I am again, back at the starting point.

Which brings me to my next point. I think when I am skinny and don't mind being in public I shall write a book of what NOT to say to fat people or people who are losing weight. My 2 all time statements that I hate are 1) But you have such a beautiful face (when someone is heavy and their friends are trying to talk them into dieting and 2)I can REALLY tell in your face (when someone as lost 60 pounds and run into someone they haven't seen for a while and this person thinks they are paying you a compliment). People - when you lose 60 pounds you sure as he!! didn't lose it all in your face. Once I went down 4 jean sizes for people to say - I can really tell in your face. I cringe even thinking about it. I remember one of my children's friends saying (quite innocently I might add) - "Gosh Q, you are really pretty. I never noticed it before". I knew she was totally oblivious to how it sounded and I was totally trying to process her awe and wonder of my face - wondering, gee maybe I did lose it all in my face!

Anyway, wish me luck as I venture out once again on this weight loss journey. I really need to do it for my health, but I also want to do it so I won't be so uncomfortable out in public, hoping I won't run into people because I don't want anyone to see me. But the most important reason I want to lose weight is so I can play more comfortably with my grandson as he becomes more mobile. He is 6 months old now and it won't be long.................I you know my life's goal is to be is favorite Grammy!!!!

I will keep you posted on my progress. Any good ideas or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated!!!!!

Til next time,
Q