First of 2009

Nothing like waiting until the 3rd month of a new year before you write your first blog entry, huh? So I am wondering how to even begin - I think I am going to start blogging like a journal because there are a bunch of things going on that I don't necessarily want to "talk" about so maybe I will just write about them instead. I think I need some sort of outlet so I don't lose my mind......

First of all, the worst thing.....I am almost certain that my mom is suffering from some form of dementia; I pray it is not Alzheimer's. There are so many feelings that come from making a statement like that and believe me, I have been in denial for the past 6 - 8 months but it has become undeniable. Does anyone out there know of anyone who suffers from this very frightening and sad illness? I noticed some memory problems last summer and asked my father about it several times but he told me to quit asking him because I was making him paranoid. Hmmmm.....I guess I know where I developed my denial habits, huh? My dad did, however, talk to the doctor and the doctor administered some sort of screening tests that my mom passed with flying colors. That is what gives me hope that it isn't Alzheimer's. She is also not defensive or angry like I have read about Alzheimer's patients. She doesn't insist that nothing is wrong and she voluntarily stopped driving. Part of me feels guilty because if you have read my blog at all, then you know that I am absolutely totally and completely in love with my grandson, who is 19 months old. I feel like if I hadn't devoted all my spare time to my grandson I would have picked up on my mom a little quicker. About 3 weeks ago, it hit me like a ton of bricks when I actually spent some time at her house instead of running in and out and I noticed notes in my dad's handwriting everywhere telling her how to turn the oven on, and how to use the remote, etc. To say I was shocked is a complete understatement. So I have stopped crying - at least for now - and am trying to come up with a plan of action without scaring my mom to death. All my life she has been terrified of dementia - even going so far as to tell me that if she ever developed dementia to just put her in a home because she didn't want anyone to see her like that. So I have to figure out a way to get her to sign whatever document gives her doctor permission to talk to me about her and start from there. Wish me luck.........

In addition to that, my youngest stepson, who lived with us has decided that he can't live here under our rules. You know, the horribly strict ones that require him to be able to pass a drug test in order to keep his car or that he must get a job since he is 19 years old, and also that he needed to quit stealing money out of my purse. He didn't come to live with us until he was of legal age (14 to be exact) but he did spend alot of time with us before that so I am trying to figure out where in the world we went wrong. So he has gone to live with his girlfriend who has an apartment with her friend and he has no job - wonder how long she will put up with that?

I think that is all I have the energy to write right now.....I watch my grandson two days one week and 3 the next but this week has been all week because his other grandmother (my daughter's mother-in-law) that alternates watching him with me is helping her mother this week because she just underwent a double mastectomy. Tucker (my grandson) is a wonderful distraction for everything bad but I am really tired!

If you stopped by then please leave a comment, I would love to know who (if anyone) is reading!!!

Til next time.......